Relationships: The One Affirmation that Changes It All

Your self-talk has a lot to do with how easily you find a partner and it also determines the health and happiness of your relationships.

But, one of the problems is that we confuse negative self-talk with “stating the facts.” If you’ve ever said anything like:

  • “It’s hopeless, all the good ones are taken!”

  • “I always attract the wrong kind of guy (or gal)”

  • “My husband (wife) let him(her)self go and wonders why I’m not interested in sex!”

  • My partner doesn’t understand me

These might seem like facts, but in reality they are your perceptions of the situation and they are not necessarily the truth – yet because you state them so emphatically, they have become commands and you have activated the power of self-fulfilling prophecies. You subconsciously start taking actions to ENSURE that these statements are true, and start looking for evidence that they’re true.

So to attract the ideal mate or to rekindle the happy spark in your relationship, it’s important to work on positive and empowering self-talk. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Never speak in absolutes, like, “ALL the good ones are taken.” Aren’t YOU a “good one” (who isn’t taken)? This statement essentially states that you don’t feel that you’re good enough to attract the kind of person you want to have a relationship with. Instead, replace that with, “I am a great catch and my perfect mate is looking for me!” The same goes for “I always attract the wrong kind of guy (or gal).” Always? Really? Are you saying that history MUST repeat itself and that you have no control over your choices? You’re dis-empowering yourself, big time, if you say this!

  • Never place blame, and accept your role. Yes, your husband or wife may have let themselves go, but is that the real root of your lack of interest in intimacy with them? Sex isn’t just about physical attraction (though that’s a big part of it) – it’s also about emotional connection, and you may want to examine your ability to compassionately communicate your needs and desires. If you never told your spouse that their weight is a concern then you can’t expect them to be okay with a “shallow” statement like “You got fat and now I don’t want you” – they would probably retort that you should love them for who they are! Instead, take full ownership of any behaviors, conscious or unconscious, that may have contributed to the emotional and physical distance between you. Saying things like, “My partner doesn’t understand me” again boils down to lack of effective communication. Examine your communication style – do you insist that “we need to talk”? Do you nag, even a little? Do you confront and criticize, even a little? I’m not saying that you do, but a relationship is a complex dance of two people so you must take ownership for your role in the dance.

The key to attracting the perfect mate and keeping your relationship happy, is to accept yourself and be happy with yourself. Yes, work on whatever aspects of you that you don’t like, but do it in a happy spirit of making yourself EVEN better (not fixing something broken), and learn to be happy with yourself as you are. Your flaws, quirks and weird habits make you who you are, and uniquely wonderful.

The Affirmation That Changes Everything

Say, “I love myself!” every day in meditation; or, when you’re standing in line at the grocery store; or while driving to work; or in the shower; or when you’re walking the dog; or when you’re swimming laps; or doing anything repetitive.

Your words have immense power. Start telling a new story, right now. A story full of unconditional self-love and a focus on what you want, instead of what’s wrong with the current situation!

It’s an affirmation that changes everything for the better. Move into the higher vibration of love. It’s something you can never say too often! Affirm “I love myself” until you FEEL it and believe it – and then, watch as your energy radiates outward, your vibration raises and your vibration will effortlessly attract the perfect mate or influence your partner to raise their own vibration. You will SEE your partner through the eyes of unconditional love. You will FEEL yourself as worthy of love and capable of giving love. Can’t you just feel how powerfully this will change your life for the better, whether you’re single or in a relationship now?

Linah Cathy